I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
