I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
