Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
