She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
