btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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