Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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