I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
There's always time for handjobs
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
