who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
