just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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