At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize