not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
