It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize