So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
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