O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
