i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
