I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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