were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
