just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
