so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
