Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
