HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Randomize
