I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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