i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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