You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
