I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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