You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My vagina is officially offended.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
