dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
