im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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