Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
