I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
