did you get engaged???
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
