oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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