whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
