I think I just saw someone hide a body.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
