its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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