I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
