my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
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