i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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