she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize