I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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