Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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