I can text with my tongue
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
