it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
