is your mom at the bar?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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