let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
