ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
