he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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