I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
