I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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