The maid of honor just puked.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize