please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
