There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
