all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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