The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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