I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
