you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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