Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
