I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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