I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
