Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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