did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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