walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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