As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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