Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
