I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
