Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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