how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
