Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
