Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
