I think my fart just growled at me.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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