i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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