sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize