gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
When are your genitals available?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
