No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
