what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
