Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
