she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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