OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
